Tough Love

God continues to teach me so much about ministry and about love - especially tough love.
Last week, I felt emotionally drained. On the same day, two of the girls from my house said that they were going to leave. Their situations are very different. One of the girls has been planning on leaving to be with her mom for awhile now; however, her plan was always to wait until she finished some of her school requirements. The other girl who said she was going to leave is in her last year of high school and is like the sister I never had. Her 'threat' to leave was completely out of the blue. Both of these situations hurt my heart. I was hurt by the extremely negative attitude I saw of the girl who wanted to go be with her mom - she became a completely different person. I was especially hurt by my sister because she knows better, she has so much ahead of her, she hadn't shared any of her feelings with me, and I thought she had left without saying goodbye (she was hiding on the roof). I will never forget the feelings I had that day - the frustration, the pain, the betrayal, the panic. Fortunately, emotions have calmed down and both girls are still here.
After this happened, I could sense myself starting to pull away from both of these girls, trying to protect myself from getting hurt. When I invest in people, I invest in them with my whole heart - that is why goodbyes have always been very hard for me. With the kids at Ninos, I feel like I can protect them while they're here; as soon as they leave, I have no control over what happens to them. That's scary. I don't want them to experience any more pain. But ultimately, God is their protector, not me; God is the healer of pain, not me.
I've thought several times about how much these kids need consistency. They have seen so many people come and go in their lives; they have said goodbye so many times. I don't want to be one of those people who comes and leaves. But this past week made me realize that these kids are as free to come and go as I am. As much as I may want to bring consistency to their lives, there is no guarantee on how long they will be at Ninos. I've realized that it's better to let go, give these kids to God, and love on them while they are here, even when it's tough. God has shown this kind of love repeatedly - He loves us in spite of our negative attitudes, our irrational or emotional moments. He pours His love out on us, knowing full well that at any point, we may choose to walk away or say goodbye. That's tough love. That's God.