Neediness

If you're like me, when you  hear the word "needy," it has a negative connotation. When I hear that word, I think of people who can be physically, emotionally, or even spiritually draining. People that may make us feel like we can't breathe or people who leave us feeling tired. It makes me think of dating relationships where one person is needy - always calling the other person or wanting to spend every second together. A long time ago, I vowed that I would never be one of those needy girlfriends. But recently, I took a step back and did some serious reflecting. I felt as though my worse fear had come true - I had become a needy person. For about two weeks, I was the only American staff member in Mexico and it was hard. I didn't realize how much I depended on my American co-workers for fellowship and encouragement. Without them, I felt lost. In their absence, I became more and more dependent on my boyfriend, taking my neediness to him and wanting him to make it all better. He couldn't make it better. My American co-workers couldn't make it better when they returned to Mexico. I was struggling. That's when I realized something. There is only one person who actually welcomes neediness - God. The devotional book I'm reading, "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young, sums it up perfectly:

 "Your needs and my riches are a perfect fit. I never meant for you to be self-sufficient. Instead, I designed you to need Me not only for daily bread, but also for fulfillment of deep yearnings. I carefully crafted your longings and feelings of incompleteness to point you to Me. Therefore, do not try to bury of deny these feelings. Beware also of trying to pacify these longings with lesser gods: people, possessions, power... Rejoice in your neediness, which enables you to find intimate completion in Me."

Wow! I love when God does that - when He meets us exactly where we're at, and when His message is perfectly clear and personal. Daily, I find myself having the same thought over and over again, "God, I need more of you." I no longer feel ashamed of my neediness because I know who to bring it to. I know who can handle it and who welcomes it. This is still a lesson that I'm learning and there are times when I forget to go to God first. But more and more, I'm overwhelmed by how incapable I am of doing things without His help and by how empty I feel if I don't spend time with Him. He is the only one who can make me complete.