It's All Coming Back to Me Now ...

As some of you may know, I used to struggle with insecurity - in junior high, in high school, and during the first couple years of college. Over time, I learned how to hide my insecurities pretty well, but they were always there. Junior and senior year of college, God really healed me and gave me freedom from this issue. But every now and then, I have an insecurity "relapse" - there are certain things that trigger those feelings. Today is one of those days...
I once heard it said that "a missionary should never go onto the mission field without first resolving his or her insecurities." Obviously, I didn't exactly follow that advice and I'm here anyways and God has been able to use me in spite of all that. But I get it - I really do understand why the mission field isn't the best place for dealing with personal issues. A lot of my insecurity comes from feeling like I'm not good enough or like I don't have a purpose. Missions work isn't something where you get a lot of immediate, positive reinforcement. Sometimes it's slow in coming and you learn to cherish it when it does come. God knew just the right verse to use today in church - Hebrews 6:10. It says, "God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and as you will continue to help them." This is going to be the verse I cling to in those times of feeling insignificant. The sermon that our director gave this morning, encouraged us to keep going forward and doing our job, even when people aren't clapping for us. That really hit home with me and made me realize that a lot of times, I hope for "applause" or affirmation from other people. God should be enough. My heart's desire should be to please Him, no one else should matter. It's time to re-focus on my first love - Jesus!